It was a lonely night and my own demons rose up to haunt me as I sat in the darkness. The television was safely off in the back room of the house where I rent the room in which I live and all the doors had been locked and checked. My room door was safely fastened so nothing could enter and I had turned on the generally-upbeat, Celtic-inspired melodies of Heather Alexander on my CD-player. But, as I sat there, the darkness didn't go away.

   "Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills" had just finished airing on HBO and run it's full course of 2-1/2 hours. All the lights had been on and my roommate had left for his security job downtown - leaving me alone with the horror that had unfolded in front of me. Tragedy often effects me deeply, but rarely to such an extent as the inner knots of pain and frustration I experienced while watching the story of those 3 young men and 3 innocent children unfold in front of me. And yet, as I write this now, I can't help but feel guilty at my emotional response.

   I wasn't involved. I wasn't accused. I wasn't following the case until recently; after it was all over. I wasn't even a friend or acquaintance of any of the people involved. So what gives me the right to feel this way about it at all? I thought about this for a long time and have come to the conclusion that only one thing gives me that right. Knowledge.

   The Knowledge that Damien Echols, Jason Baldwin and Jessie Misskelley ("the West Memphis Three") could be me, my friends or anyone I know gives me reason for my feelings of helpless anguish.

   But do I have the right to feel this way when the people directly involved have no relation to me? Of course. And so does every other outcast, outsider and 'weirdo' in America.

   When I started out to write this article two months ago, I thought I was going to do a piece on being a Solitary Wiccan - on the difficulties, failures, successes and ways one found in the contemporary culture of modern witches. Instead, as time went on and this past month saw me finally pulling my head out of the sand in which I've been living to learn about the court cases and persecutions that plague us all; I found that my views on being a solitary Wiccan were changing. No longer was this just going to be an article contrasting involvement in Covens vs. learning on one's own. After the demons that haunted my sleep last night, the true story has to be told about how solitary ALL Wiccans are ... whether they are coven members or not.

   I make no pretense that I have had no problems with my mother and family over the years. My arguments and debates with these people to whom I'm related have caused many shed tears, countless angry words and more bad feelings than I care to think about. But ironically, aside from all that, I love my parents, brother and sisters. It's a love that stems from having a supportive and nurturing childhood; something many folk today seem to be missing. It was only when I became something different from the normal paths of society did any troubles arise; and it's that 'being different' that I'd like to address.

   My brother would say that I'm either being paranoid or over-simplifying the situation. His friends are not all 'straight-and-narrow' either, but I've noticed him being far more forgiving of them than of his own brother. Such is the way with the human animal; as long as the aberrant behavior is not in the den or nest, you can tolerate it. But if something is 'wrong' with your nearest and dearest, it's doubly-disturbing.

   For many Wiccans (and I would dare to say nearly all of us), being 'different' is something that we simply are. It isn't a planned practice of going out to shock people or 'freak the mundanes' (as I've heard it put in faanish circles). Rather, it's a matter of -by the virtue of our existence- we frighten and disturb the stabilized and comfortable people around us. These people, who would rather live in the predictable comfort of the lives they've spent decades building (rather than continue to change, build and develop), are the ones who define 'normal' for American society ... and create the problems of isolation, shunning and resentment that Wiccans face today.

   I think that a mindset that seeks comfort and predictability in life is largely one that all humans share. Goddess knows that I do. There are so many times that I will lie awake at night and look at the tiny lights of my radio wishing that there was a world beyond the darkness that wouldn't hound me or look on me as some kind of freak for merely existing. I find myself wishing for a stable world where I don't have to fight everyday to feel 'normal'. I dream of the time when I'll be able to walk down the street as a bisexual witch who doesn't like sports and not be seen as an aberrant lunatic.

   A local witch, "Anne", knows these feelings. She was haunted by her own conscience and got involved in a young man's life during 1995 and 1996... It was an action that -when coupled with the fact that she is a single mother, a witch and somewhat of an outsider in her neighborhood- got her slapped with allegations of sexual misconduct with a minor. While her court case ended in a Suspension of Prosecution -the next best thing to an acquittal- the lesson was taught; even in Liberal Minnesota you'd best keep your strange and 'abnormal' ideas and lifestyle to yourself or the demons -the system- will get you...

   I'd be willing to bet that the West Memphis Three also share a desire for stability in the lifestyles they've chosen. And I can only hope they achieve it one day. But until then, it's that desire for stability that will keep them in prison and away from 'normal' folk...

   When you look at it, even most of the Burning Times atrocities weren't about religion. They were about power and desired stability in an uncertain world. If you want to see what I mean, just ask yourself what are people willing to do for stability?

   It seems, 'just about anything'.

   The world -as we all know- is an unpredictable place. It flows and ebbs like waves on a beach; our lives being the patterns of sand that shift and move there. Sometimes, when a wave comes crashing over us, our patterns change; but we're still sand. In other words, we find that life alters us, but on a deeper level we still are who we are. This dichotomy causes us pain.

   That pain can cause people to lash out.

   If discordant beliefs in a fairly homogeneous society can be interpreted as 'waves' by those who fear alteration to their sandy patterns, I can actually understand why some people lash out at the differences in their communities. I really can. But it's a 'lashing out' that is based on the false assumption that the mere existence or acknowledgement of divergent or different beliefs constitutes a 'wave'.

   For example: Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered people don't recruit; they simply exist. Accepting them doesn't constitute allowing their beliefs to effect the person doing the accepting. After all, a mature person is quite capable of appreciating the differences in the lives around them -even extreme differences- and still remain secure in their own beliefs.

   Similarly, with witches, our existence scares the daylights out of those who have been taught a substantially different way of being. Not because we actively try to alter their lives, but because we exist.

   But this ostracism and stability-seeking attitude are not isolated to areas of sexual orientation or religion. Far from it. When I was in 8th grade -in the autumn of 1980- I got involved in role playing games. "Dungeons & Dragons" was an exploration of imagination and dynamic adventure. It gave me a release that I'd never before felt for my creative impulses. Here, I could create and conjure whole worlds, develop stories and share ideas with other fantasy-minded people. I could craft interactive tales of bold quests and daring exploits of heroism. I could appreciate the world around me better through the glasses of creating imaginary worlds in front of me. But -of course- society didn't see it that way.

   While my parents and family supported me and didn't believe all the hoopla in the media about the evils of "D & D", the rest of the world wasn't so forgiving.

   During High School, I was tormented by the boy who became our graduating classes' Valedictorian; Adrian. He and his fellow 'in-crowd' cronies and contemporaries continually harassed me for being an Occultist - all due to that one game that gave me such an outlet. It didn't matter that I was a stalwart Presbyterian at the time nor that I didn't even know Wicca existed; I was an outsider to them ... my existence alone was a threat to their social structure and stability. What were the results of this threatened feeling they had? You can probably guess most of it. I was physically attacked and verbally assaulted fairly often, a fact that I still hide from my family today. My locker became a place that I'd run to, dash open the combination, grab my books and then run off to class so that I couldn't be cornered there and beaten by those who felt I was too odd to get off without a punch or kick.

   And this applies to modern witches too. How often have Wiccans felt this pressure from those who feel we threaten their stable, predictable lives? I know that many of us are fans of Science Fiction and Fantasy novels ... something that earns us -and other fans- scorn, derision and mockery. I know many of us enjoy non-mainstream music and movies. We have a wide variety of interests, but many of them seem to be in areas not usually visited by mainstream America.

   All this culminates in this observation...

   Covens are places where Wiccans of mutual belief gather. Therein, they share, distribute and vindicate their way of life; like the apocryphal wagon-train-circle against a sea of attacking outsiders. They maintain small communities of faith and practice, resisting their attackers by wearing the armour of their own, personal communities. Do the ravages of intolerance, suspicion and fear still harm them? Of course they do. They just have their own community nearby to help them heal their wounds.

   A solitary Wiccan has no such support structure.

   This is really the only fundamental difference I now see between Solitaries and Coveners. But, at the same time, it's something that all Wiccans share; solitary or covened alike... As long as the society in which we live continues to put homogeneity and consensus-of-thought on a pedestal at the expense of non-harmful, divergent beliefs, we'll all be nothing more than Solitary. Despite our covens, groups, circles, gatherings, rituals, books and beliefs, we're the odd-man-out and walking a solitary path. We can surround ourselves with others of like mind, but we'll always tend to be alone in the crowd. Why? It's that driving goal of stability. Until we can conquer it or decide that such desire for predictability can be achieved without banning those who are different, we will be at the mercy of the enemy that forces us into isolation.

   Blessed Be,
   Sylvan SilverNight
   Solitary Celtic Wiccan
   Minneapolis, Minnesota

   March 14th, 1997